***Warning Negativity below***

The bloody hard task of maintaining motivation to live an active, healthy, well balanced PERFECT life in today’s world.

Why bother? Is it worth the effort, the time, the money, the sacrifice, the energy? Are questions that circle in my head so often.

Am I just getting too old and over the need to look good, feel skinny and fit that size 10? Am I now just frustrated with the crop top wearing, kale eating, handstand doing world that being fit and healthy has socially become?

Has social media created a bunch of narcissistic super fit freaks that make the average woman keel over with the pain and the emotion of failure before they have even started?

Do those elusive “Mindful, Self Loving Moments” even exist?

Or am I just an injured wellness influencer, who was all of the above at some stage, bitter because her timeline recently consisted of boring rehab exercises, is struggling to stay on top of her game, has put on weight and is scared to tear her other ACL if even the slightest amount of High Intensity exercise comes near her?

(probably! – well actually yes!)

Hopefully ya feeling me, I’m sure you are, we have all been there haven’t we? In that space of hating on all the fitness, wellness and happy health thrown in our faces each and every day? I’d like to think so, please tell me I’m not alone here!

You know those days when we’re like “ahhh stuff it, I’ve got my hubby, my or partner, my mates, my kids, my family, a career, my home, my health and I’m happy” I don’t need to put myself through it all, I don’t need to wake up early, put on my flash Nike tights and compete with the fitspo world of Instagram and Facebook, I don’t need to spend mySunday night meal prepping and rolling bliss balls when I can be out enjoying fish n chips at the beach with my family, why drag the kids to the veggie markets when we can get all we need in one trip at the local countdown, I don’t need to say no to wine and platters with my girlfriends on Friday AND Saturday night, do I?

With my current mindset, I tell myself NO, no I don’t need to do those things, life is a grind right now, why make it any harder with excessive exercise and healthy eating?

So what do I do? I REBEL, I go against the expectation of what I “should” be doing, I’ll back off the exercise completely, relax my eating habits, drink too much wine, eat more cheese than I should and slowly but surely fall towards the deepest darkest funk, trying my hardest to justify my choices along the way.

Telling myself its ok because I’m having fun with friends and family, laughing and creating memories and that we must enjoy everything in moderation right!? – that is, until those moments become too frequent, too often and go on for waaay to long, throwing that fine line of the perfect balance right off course. Letting that sluggish bogged down feeling build up and completely take over my days, my weeks, my months and my life.

It’s so easy to get caught up in this lifestyle thinking we are living in balance and enjoying everything in moderation – until it creeps up on us and slaps us in the face with a harsh view of reality.

Injuries happen, because your mind thinks you can do it, but your sluggish overweight body cannot, sickness hits you and you wonder why you are having to take so much time of work, your work pants split because you know what, your ass just got too fat! You are moody and short tempered and after a recent outburst one of your kids says “what is wrong with you lately Mum?” – you snap back telling them to watch their mouth while walking away tears in your eyes and head hung in shame, (you know exactly what is wrong with you) or after many weekends wasted in bed with alcohol and fried food hangovers you lay there hearing families outside enjoying the sun outside while yours is cooped up because you just can’t be bothered!

I have experienced this horrible cycle of unhealthiness and unhappiness for most of my life and I know when I let this carry on too long my deep rooted depression I’ve battled with since a very young age flares up like a very ugly wound. I treat myself like rubbish which then flows outwards and starts impacting those closest to me.

In the past, during my teenage and 20s I would manage to even out these ups and downs with 2 things – alcohol and success.

These days (in my 30s) things are very different, still very challenging but I have definitely learnt from my many mistakes in how I handle myself, my health and my depression.

I do realise how important handstands and kale are in my life and the life of others  – well let’s say exercise and good clean food aye? I really do understand how much it impacts my energy, my desire to be happy and my motivation to get up every day with determination.

Don’t get me wrong I still find myself in these dark funky spaces sometimes, where I just want to tell the world to piss off and leave me in bed with Netflix, chocolate and a diet coke, but my knowledge and experience of using other alternatives and channeling my energy to more positive and productive behaviours is there and it’s there for me to use, I just need to make the right choice.

When I’m down I take things slower, remove as much pressure and expectation as possible and use my motivation and energy to do the small things well. Baby steps are key, slowly creating new routines that serve us well and understanding that health is holistic, it’s not all physical, learning and being aware of our spiritual, mental, emotional, social and environmental health is important and gives us other areas to keep focused on when one is impacted.

So yes it is worth it, YOU are worth it! I am worth it!

And our friends and family deserve to have the best version of us around always.

So happy hand standing and kale munching everyone!